How to break the news of a serious illness? We share a useful guide

After months of speculation about her disappearance from the public eye the Princess of Wales Catherine finally cleared the air in an eagerlyanticipated video message In it she shared that she had been undergoing preventative treatment for cancer and also disclosed that it had taken her time to share the diagnosis with her young children in a way that was appropriate for them while also reassuring them that she was going to be okay She is not alone in her predicament breaking the news about a serious or a terminal illness to your loved ones can be extremely difficult especially if there are young children in the mix Citybased experts share certain dos and donrsquots to help ease the processPrincess of Wales Catherine in a moment from the revelation video Pic courtesyYoutubeClear the airldquoThe stress that accompanies such an announcement increases exponentially if the announcement is sudden if there is uncertainty or ambiguity involved and if those receiving the news experience a sense of helplessnessrdquo says Dr Nahid Dave a psychiatrist at Thought Matters Elaborating further she explains that recipients of the news will be better equipped to cope with the repercussions if they are given time to process it and if they do not feel like mere spectators but can be involved in the process And so itrsquos important to share the diagnosis as soon as you are certain of it she emphasises ldquoMany caregivers suffer guilt and selfblame especially if the illness is terminal Giving them more time to come to terms with the illness also facilitates closurerdquo she addsUse simple and truthful approaches to break the news of a family memberrsquos illness to the children Representation picFrom the horsersquos mouthWhile itrsquos natural to want to protect your loved ones especially children from grief and uncertainty keeping the diagnosis from them can prove counterintuitive shares Dr Karishma Kirti consultant breast specialist and oncoplastic surgeon ldquoChildren can often overhear conversations and misunderstand what is happening which can create additional confusion and distress Knowing what is going on and having heard it from a trusted source makes them less anxious It also shows them that the parent trusts them which makes them more comfortable to ask questions Having dealt with a big and daunting situation early in life will help them cope with difficult situations in the future in a better way as well and shape them into welladjusted adultsrdquo she clarifiesDr Nahid DaveEstablish comfortldquoBreaking the news should be wellplanned rather than a spurofthemoment decision If necessary seek help from your partner or another adult whom the child trusts Find a quiet and comfortable time to talk when there are minimal distractions Ensure there is enough time for discussion and questionsrdquo says Dr Kirti evoking parallels to the Princess acknowledging her partnerrsquos Prince Williamrsquos support when sharing her diagnosis with her familyDr Karishma KirtiTailor explanationsWhile adults will fare better with a complete and thorough understanding of your diagnosis young children will need a simpler approach experts suggest ldquoMatch your explanations to your childrsquos age and level of understanding Younger children may need simpler explanations while older children may grasp more complex conceptsrdquo says Kirti while Dr Dave suggests sharing a simplified explanation of what you are going through and then answering questions as they are posed ldquoItrsquos important to be truthful so that the child trusts the information they are receiving but you can also use metaphors to simplify processesrdquo she addsDo the groundworkldquoIt is imperative for patients to work through their own feelings first before they speak to their children Your illness is a major lifechanging diagnosis and it may be useful to speak to a counsellor or a psychologist before breaking the news to your familyrdquo advises Kirti Dr Rashi Agarwal a psychiatrist and mental educator suggests being prepared with answers to any anticipated questionsDonrsquot build false hopeMany patients try to cushion the blow by resorting to halftruths or unrealistic projections to make their family members feel better Or they could withhold information in a bid to protect their loved ones This says Dr Dave can cause ambiguity and the family members could lose trust in the information they are receiving making it tougher for them to come to terms with the illness She also suggests walking the family through the diagnosis and treatment processes including every step involved instead of abruptly informing them about the illness ldquoAt the same time avoid creating an atmosphere of toxic positivity where you urge your family to lsquobe strongrsquo and lsquonot cryrsquo Everyone has different ways of dealing with stress It is okay for them to cry or want to be by themselves for a while Allow family members to cope with the news in the way thatrsquos most comfortable for themrdquo Dr Dave advisesHospital visits helpVisiting a loved one in the hospital can be intimidating to the family especially to younger children But Dr Agarwal points out that it may also give them a sense of acceptance and closure as well as a better understanding of the situation ldquoWhile it may be difficult to see your loved one at their most vulnerable state in the long run it can be comforting to look back and know that you were able to spend time with them even when the going was especially toughrdquo she observesItrsquos okay to seek supportDr Rashi Agarwal and Dr Karishma Kirti suggest the following resources to help ease the processDr Rashi Agarwalgtgt The Fruitfly Collectiversquos resources for children These include a free app named A Kidrsquos Guide to Cancer activity booklets that help children better understand cancer in an ageappropriate manner and flash cardsgtgt My Parent Has Cancer and It Really Sucks RealLife Advice from RealLife Teens This book is tailored for teenagers It is based on personal experience the guidance of experts and the stories of over 100 teensgtgt When Your Mom Has Cancer Helping Children Cope at Home and Beyond by Maryann Makekau This book explains cancer to younger childrengtgt Caregiver Saathi The platform aims to empower family caregivers by creating an ecosystem of wellbeing and healing for the primary caregiver as well as for the care receiver Its website offers educational content tools access to a community support groups and professional homecare services