Money, men and murder

He killed my sister mercilessly Then he sat next to her body and kept asking her lsquoKyun kiya kyun kiya Why did you do this to mersquo That is the question I want to ask himmdashwhy did he do this to her She had done nothing wrongrdquo says Saniya Yadav 16 recounting the gruesome murder of her elder sister Aarti at the hands of her exboyfriend Rohit Yadav in Vasai on June 18The murder made headlines across the country and social media was rife with videos of Rohit 29 bludgeoning Aarti 22 repeatedly with a spanner in broad daylight as passersby merely watched agape or took videos of the crimeldquoI watched the video He struck her from behind and kept hitting her in the head Aarti tried to escape once but he continued to hammer down on herrdquo says SaniyaSaniya said her sister Aarti right and Rohit broke up after a financial disagreement and suspicions that she was cheating on him but he continued to stalk herThe sheer brutality of the crime prompted the same question in the minds of all who watched the videos or read reports about the deranged attack WhyPolice told this paper that Rohit and Aarti had been together for six years but broke up recently after disagreements about money and his suspicion that she was having an affair Rohit told the police that he had wanted to marry Aarti but her father insisted he would only allow the marriage once the 29yearold bought a houseldquoRohit was saving up for the house He used to do odd jobs at different places and earned about Rs 10000 per month most of which he would hand over to her family to keep aside for a house But things got difficult after he lost his jobrdquo said the policeRohit sat by Aartirsquos lifeless body for 10 minutes yelling abuses at her until the cops arrived on the scene PicsHanif PatelSources close to the case said that around this time Aarti had started working at a computer class in Vasai to support her family after her father fell ill and his paani puri business shut down As the sole breadwinner of the family she would hand over her entire salary of R8000 to her family paying for her fatherrsquos medicines as well as the education of her sister Saniya who had just started Class XA distance had crept in between Aarti and Rohit however and he began to suspect that she was having an affair with a coworker ldquoRohit saw this as a huge betrayalrdquo said police sources adding ldquoShe was like his family he had no one else He had lost both his parents and his sister at a young age He didnrsquot have any close friends eitherrdquoRohit told the police that when he confronted Aarti she told him to ldquogo dierdquo and that there was no space for him in her life He told the cops that after this he had tried to take his life twice but failed It was then that he planned the murder Harish Sadani cofounder and executive director of Men Against Violence amp AbuseAartirsquos family however have denied that she was having an affair and said that Rohit would obsessively stalk her even after he and Aarti had agreed to part ways because of financial troublesldquoRohit lied and lied He lied about having a degree a good job money That is why my father insisted that he should at least have a house before marrying my sister Why would we send Aarti with someone who has nothing to his namerdquo questions SaniyaldquoWhen Rohit said he would not be able to buy a house he and my sister agreed to part ways Then why did he continue to call her and follow her A week before the murder he assaulted her in a rage and even broke her phone accusing her of an affair This was also a lie She got killed over a lierdquo says SaniyaA file pic of young Indian men taking an entrance exam hoping to secure for one of 1500 vacant posts in the Madhya Pradesh State Police Department in Bhopal amid rising unemployment in the state PicGetty ImagesldquoAarti had every right to make her own decisions Rohit has ruined so many lives The girl is dead her family is devastated and he has ruined his own life too How do we give justice in this caserdquo questioned an officer close to the investigationThe Vasai murder is among a string of violent episodes in recent times that have sparked a discussion on poor menrsquos mental health It doesnrsquot help say experts that men are often under crushing societal pressure to be ldquostrong silent providers of the familyrdquo in an increasingly tough economyA 2014 study on intimate partner violence in India conducted by USbased International Center for Research on Women and United Nations Population Fund found that men who experienced economic stress were more likely to perpetrate violence on their partner The study found that 55 per cent Indian men reported economic stress which was defined in the study as stress or depression from work or income deficiencies Crucially 40 per cent of men who had economic stress said they had been violent with their partner in the last 12 months leading up the studyTara Kaushal Nilay Kumar Paras Sharma and Dr Hvovi BhagwagarThe study stated that unemployment not earning enough or even earning less than their female partner can all be causal factors for men being violent with their partners The study posited that this was due to Indian notions of masculinity and the expectation that men are the primary economic providers of the household even in situations where the woman works as well In fact the study found 38 per cent occurrence of partner violence by men who earned less than the woman compared to a lower 34 per cent among men who earned more In 2024 the instances may have increasedUnfortunately such cases are seen on the daily by cops and activists who work with victims of domestic violence Aparna Joshi police inspector Crimes Against Women Cell says ldquoMost cases I encounter stem from family conflicts particularly between the wife and her inlaws However financial stress is also a common factor often due to house loans The male ego is fragile and salary and money are definite sore points These days when both husband and wife are working women are less willing to tolerate bad behaviour or compromise Women are increasingly becoming independent and the expectations from both inlaws and husbands are higher leading to quarrels Out of ten cases we handle around three involve financial issues In many of these cases the man is under financial stress or feels his ego is hurt if the wife earns morerdquoActivists working with victims point out however that men are not the only ones under pressure and yet they are most commonly the perpetrators of violence ldquoWomen are also under immense societal pressure and so many women now support their homes financiallymdashthey face the same kind of stress But we rarely hear of women assaulting othersrdquo says activist Yogita Bhayana who heads People Against Rape in India PARIAjit Ranade Audrey Dmello and Deepika BhardwajOthers are wary of attempts to ascribe financial pressure as a cause of such violence ldquoIn the past we said alcohol was the problem Then we said dowry is the problem Now wersquore saying financial stress may be a cause We must stop making excuses for violent men These men lash out because they have this kind of violence inside them and they find soft targets in women and childrenrdquo says advocate Audrey Dmello director of Majlis an organisation that offers legal and social support to victims of sexual and domestic violenceOn Wednesday just a day after the Vasai murder yet another woman was killed in a similar dispute in Virar In this case the perpetrator was her soninlaw an unemployed alcoholic He would often beat his wife in drunken stupors so she had left him and moved back to her motherrsquos house Sources familiar with the family said the man Prashant Khaire was struggling financially ever since his wifemdasha working womanmdashleft him He would keep trying to convince his motherinlaw to send her back to him It was during a similar altercation that he ended up killing her ldquoHe grabbed a kitchen knife tied her up and repeatedly stabbed the elderly woman in the stomach and neck right in front of his two sons aged eight and 10rdquo said senior inspector Vijay PawarThe conversation around economic stress mental health and their link to violence is uncomfortable but it is one we must have say expertsAccording to equal rights activist Deepika Bhardwaj itrsquos not wrong to say that the pressure is disproportionately higher on men ldquoA huge number of families still run on menrsquos income Men are brought up hearing that they must earn lots of money to support their families The pressure to do well starts right from childhoodrdquo she says adding ldquoThere is no justification for violence but when we look at incidents like the Vasai murder we only see whatrsquos on the surface We have no idea whatrsquos going on in the backdrop and that is something we must discuss toordquoMen have a higher chance of buckling under this pressure for two major factorsmdashfor one Indian notions of masculinity presume that the man must be the ldquokartardquo of the family and provide for it financially and maintain control over family members To add to that any expression of vulnerability is immediately perceived as failure says Harish Sadani cofounder and executive director of Men Against Violence amp Abuse MAVA an organisation that works to sensitise young men and prevent genderbased violenceldquoThese pressures are very real for men When I ran a helpline 10 years ago a major chunk of the calls were related to such stressors Many of these men were suffering from great internal turmoil but were unable to share it because it is frowned upon for men to disclose such intimate details even with their close male friendsrdquo he saysThere is a woeful dearth of safe nonjudgemental spaces for men to open up and talk about what distresses them and without this healthy outlet many turn to alcohol or substance abuse compulsive exercising porn addiction or even selfharm and violence in the most extreme cases says HarishldquoLook at farmer suicides the trigger is economic of course with debts But it also leads to the farmer seeing himself as a failure for being unable to support his family It was a farmerrsquos son who pointed out to me that men account for most farmer suicidesrdquo he emphasisesData released by NCRB last year showed that of 5207 farmer suicides in 2022 as many as 4999 were male while 208 were femaleldquoWe need to teach men that it is not all on them Families can be supported by men and women Men should no longer be brought up hearing only that they are the kartardquo says Sadani adding ldquoWe should also change how we raise our boys to look at womenrsquos agency In India boys grow up never hearing the word no from their parents As adults too they expect the same from the world and are unable to deal with rejectionrdquoFor Hardeep Singh name changed a 37yearold businessman from Gurgaon quitting his job was at the centre of why his marriage fell apart ldquoWhen we got married 10 years ago I would pay for everything My wife was not earning well and she had a R10 lakh education loan I paid off that loan and supported the family But when my brother went into kidney failure and I left my job to take care of him all the problems beganrdquo he recallsldquoMy wife and inlaws would taunt me saying other men support their families but I had no job They never treated me with respect and made me feel like less of a manrdquo Hardeep addsNow the couple are in the midst of divorce proceedings and it has been four years since he last saw his daughter even though the court gave him visitation rights ldquoThis is how our society is when the husband does not earn society will say he is not a man I was depressed and suicidal I had no one to turn to I could not even face my friends because I felt ashamed felt like I was a failurerdquo he recounts adding that he eventually consulted a psychologist and felt better after therapyThis feeling of shame and being unable to share onersquos distress with friends or ask for help is a common marker of poor coping mechanisms and is the reason men have fewer healthy outlets for their frustration say psychologistsPsychotherapist Dr Hvovi Bhagwagar recalls one of her cases ldquoSoon to be married Sanjay name changed had been brought to the clinic by his concerned family He had picked a fight at a bar and spent a night in jailIn therapy he broke down and admitted the tremendous pressure he was under He was on the verge of being laid off from work had huge loans to repay and responsibilities of supporting ageing parents When asked why he hadnrsquot shared this with his family or sought any support he said lsquoHow could I What will people think Am I so weak that I cannot even take care of my familyrsquo Sanjayrsquos reluctance to share his struggles reflects the stigma surrounding vulnerability and the fear of appearing weak in our Indian culture which values stoicism and toughness in menrdquo she saysFrom a young age Indian boys are given the dual mandate to ldquogrow up earn and support the familyrdquo and to ldquoface up man up and be toughrdquo she says adding ldquoIn the absence of healthy coping mechanisms these pressures can sometimes manifest in acts of aggression or violencerdquoThe problem is just as much about economics as it is about mental health While jobs remain scarce in India the country also lacks the safety net that other nations provide in the form of unemployment insurance says economist Ajit RanadeldquoIn India joint families typically support individuals who lose their jobs In the absence of family the stress on an unemployed person can be significantly greaterhellip In India we have an unemployment dole or berozgaari bhatta but it differs significantly from social security systems abroad Most unemployed individuals in India rely on family and friends for supportrdquo he saysldquoAnother notable difference is the rate of food inflation while it ranges from 2 per cent to 3 per cent abroad it can reach up to 10 per cent in India The societal pressure on men to secure employment is quite high as jobs are closely tied to human dignity This pressure can have severe psychological impacts with the stigma of unemployment being especially harsh on menrdquo he addedSociologist Nilay Kumar echoes ldquoThe stigma of a man being out of a job is a largely unaddressed issue It is almost taboo for a married man with a family to be unemployed Although it can happen to anyone and is fairly commonrdquoldquoIn India the job market is quite grim Unemployment is not always due to a lack of skill but because of the volume of people who apply for a single position Only about 5 per cent of Indiarsquos population is skilled And around 75 per cent of technical graduates and 90 per cent of other graduates are considered unemployable with men forming a significant portion of this group Societal pressure on men to be employed is much higher than on women creating a negative impact on both gendersrdquo Kumar saysLast month former chief economic advisor Dr Kaushik Basu claimed that Indiarsquos youth unemployment rate is among the highest in the world citing data from think tank CMIE that showed Indiarsquos youth unemployment rate had hit 454 per cent The total unemployment rate for the country is 76 per cent as per the same data Meanwhile data from the Directorate General of Employment shows that the male unemployment rate was 33 per cent in 202223This pressure has in the past also boiled over into riots over jobs In 2022 protestors set a train ablaze and pelted stones at another in Bihar to protest nontransparent recruitment by the Railways Amid the violence the government suspended recruitment for 35000 railway jobs for which more than one crore candidates had appliedRitu Dewan developmental economist and president of the Indian Society of Labour Economics believes that men cannot hope for the usual jobs anymore ldquoThe first thing we must realise is that there is no hope for a regular job anymore There is a decline in the availability of regular jobs and even casual work is on the decline This has nothing to do with the pandemic and everything to do with demonetisation The lack of jobs led to a rise in selfemployment but with the chaotic system of GST even those small enterprises started to go out of businessrdquoDewan quoted a report published by the International Labour Organisation ILO in March that painted a grim picture of unemployment in the country stating that youths make up 83 per cent of number of jobless Indians ldquoThis is not to justify any acts of violence but living with no hope of a job no hope of having a family no hope of supporting your aging parentsmdashit is unimaginably stressful Almost every single day in Mumbai alone we hear of businessmen dying by suicide It is happening at an unprecedented rate and this is in the middle class So you can only imagine the plight of workersrdquo she saidSo whatrsquos the path ahead Psychotherapist Bhagwagar says ldquoWe need more open dialogue and conversations around debunking gender norms Itrsquos encouraging for me as a therapist to see that there is increasing awareness and discussion about men and mental health especially during Menrsquos Mental Health Month in June Also we as a society need to normalise helpseeking behaviour for men Therapy stress management workshops or support groups can give those opportunities for men to share experiences receive validation and learn coping strategies from others facing similar challengesrdquoParas Sharma director of The Alternative Story which provides counselling services says there is a great need to talk about menrsquos mental health as well as a need for more men to enter the mental health space ldquoThere are just a handful of male psychologists who practice as therapists in the country ldquoWhom can a man approach if he needs to speak to someone and is uncomfortable being vulnerable before a female therapistrdquoSharma is among a handful of therapists who shines a light on menrsquos mental health on social media and also raises awareness about it via podcasts and blogs He too says the need of the hour is to build safe spaces for men to vent their frustrations safely Next month he says The Alternative Story is starting a support group for men called Brocade ldquoItrsquos a play on bro code and the many tapestries or forms of healthy male relationships The goal is to explore emotional intimacy in male friendships which is the cornerstone of female friendships but always seen through the lens of homosexuality among men But there is another termmdashhomosocialitymdashwhich refers to samesex friendships And this is what we must explorerdquo says SharmaTara Kaushal author of Why Men Rape says ldquoMen are going to feel more and more that world is against themmdashnot having money job not being able to buy a house Then it becomes a spiral You donrsquot get the house donrsquot get the girl The empowerment of women is also going to be an additional reason for their rage The only thing we can do is help men handle their emotions better We canrsquot give them a house we canrsquot force women to be with them but we can teach them to take rejection on the chinrdquoInputs from Anand Singh and Arpika Bhosale454 per centIndiarsquos youth unemployment rate in 2024