The Maharashtra health department—yes, it exists, despite all evidence to the contrary—recently issued a public advisory asking residents to avoid morning or late evening walks, as well as running, jogging, and physical exercise. The reason cited was the Air Quality Index turning ‘poor to severe’. This made me very happy, not because I walk, run, jog or exercise regularly, but because it showed me how so many Bombayites would be able to lead healthier lives, thanks to this advice.

I could almost picture it: thousands of residents at their doorsteps, about to step into the smog at 6 am, pulled back only by this timely advisory. If it weren’t for the health department taking the trouble of writing and distributing this note, our streets would probably be overrun by joggers colliding into each other. It would have been nice if department officials could do something to tackle the cause of this poor air, obviously, but the advisory must have been the next best thing. So, as a patriotic citizen, I asked my family and friends to abstain from all physical activity and stay indoors more often.