Lobo Lobo shoots

Lobo Lobo came over slightly upset ldquoDikuna men Irsquove been watching de Olumpics Botswana Ngamba Saint Lucia all tingoo countries size of Virar men dey have won gold medals in a cuntree as big as ours we have only five bronze medalshellip dat too tree in shootingmdashall dis hellabaloo about Manu Bhakrihellip we have onie done well in bleddy shooting why not we can win morehellip I only should have gone I could have won a goldhellip or even a silver in shootingrdquoldquoYou Lobo Lobo why you are you a skilled marksmanrdquoldquoDat Turkish bloke wassisname Yoosoof Dikechellip bleddy casually puts his left hand in his pocket like hersquos playing pocket billiards men and he points de gun and shoots no fancy parafenialia eye glass tings and udder mekinisms looks like dey are at an optician and blinking headphones like DJsmdashhe just goes points and dichkaaaao shoots and den casually has one cigarette puff puff I tink so he was a supari killer in IstanbulrdquoldquoLobo Lobo you seem to be a lot into shootingrdquoldquoSee Dikuna men I was not always a cable TV technicianrdquoldquoYes you were a footballerrdquoldquoNo men even before dat in my teenshellip I was into well I worked briefly in de underworldrdquoldquoWhaaaat did you do in the underworldrdquoldquoI was ahellip see men Dikuna I was very young and solid lsquokadkarsquo in dose daysrdquoldquoOh my god donrsquot tell me you oh no I canrsquot say the words you shot peoplerdquoldquoNo no no what do you take me for a supari killerhellip I never shot anyone because my aim was lsquobunkusrsquo I tried to shoot you know but de target was off one day I shot the wrong person onie so de dada Yakoob miya tolded me ldquoYaar Lobohellip tumhara nishani bilkul off hairdquoldquoSo what happened thenrdquoldquoI became a debt collector for him I would point a gun at dose debtors and dey would pay uprdquoldquoSo how did that make you a good shooterrdquoldquoArrey men I pay dat PubG na whacyiucallhellip bang bang bang I shoot all dose soldiers on de screenrdquoldquoI see So where you are going now with that gun and a weighing machine Lobo LobordquoldquoSee men we have one shooting competition in Virar oniehellip We have various weight categories 5060kgs 6171kg and so onrdquolsquoThey take the weight of the gunrdquoldquoNo our weight de shooters see men de competition has a rulerdquoldquoDonrsquot mind me saying this but you seem to have put on some weightrdquoldquoYa Dikuna men it is on purpose I was trying to get into de heavier category all de 70 and 75 kg dey are dese fit fallows all younger and bleddy eat all dis vegan food and dere eyesight is 2020hellip so Irsquom trying to get into de 85 kilo bracketmdashmy weight was 80kg all last two days I was eating Myrtlersquos food to gain 5 kilos I was whole whole night in de kichun eating all prawn balchao and poke vindaloo and so much bleddy bebinka and dadol I bleddy pigged out over three nites eating eating I gained five kilos now Irsquoll compete against all des fat uncles bleddy boozards one bugger is so fat he rests his arms on his punch while he aims so Irsquom hoping to win in dat categoryhellip today morning Irsquom 845 kilos I have six more hours so Irsquom going to my friend Taqdeer Aslamrsquos Bendi Bazaar biryani place for some Raan Den I will be ready for 85 kilo category and victory will be mine udderwise I will be disqualifiedrdquoldquoOh so if yoursquore disqualified what will you dordquoldquoDikuna men Irsquom also a javelin trowerrdquoldquoNow yoursquoll tell me if theyrsquod sent you to Paris you would have beaten Neeraj Chopra and that Pakistani guyrdquoldquoDikuna men in Goa I hold record in Penthathlonhellip shooting javelin sack race lime and spoon and high jumprdquoldquoWow yoursquore also a high jumperrdquoldquoNo men in Mapuca the game is after five six pegs and you are high how high can you jump Thatrsquos high jump in Mapuca Okay I better go nowhellip on de way Irsquoll stop at my wig making guy hopefully de wig will add a few 100 gramsrdquoRahul daCunha is an adman theatre directorplaywright photographer and traveller Reach him at rahuldacunhamiddaycom