‘Love not sufficient to sustain marriage, financial planning key’

When we dine with friends we split the bill Do we do the same when we eat with our special someone Some might say lsquoWhy notrsquo while some might feel it unnecessaryAsk any happy couple who has been together for years and they will tell you love is never enough to sustain a healthy relationship especially a marriage Navigating finance with a partner can be tricky awkward and necessaryJust as having discussions about career goals health and boundaries are essential when entering into a serious relationship that stands a chance to fruition into a marriage discussing finance too is crucialFinancial planning between couples married or unmarried involves many factors from chalking out a budget to taking care of expenses as well as investmentsIf you have been racking your brains behind how to approach this subject with your partner we have three relationship experts directing you towards the right path Mansi Poddar psychotherapist and founder at HealGrowThrive Foundation says ldquoFor any couple to be able to discuss finance trust and transparency are paramountrdquo According to her the first step towards couple financial planning is to work on building trust She says ldquoBoth partners must be honest about their spending loans debt and monthly income It is only in the existence of this transparency can a couple aim at building a healthy financial understanding between themrdquoExpanding on the same Rhea Joseph psychologist at Cadabams Hospital consultant psychiatric social worker and relationship therapist says ldquoFailure to maintain transparency might not only lead to misunderstandings but could be perceived as a breach of trust potentially straining the relationship When financial matters are undisclosed or misrepresented it can breed feelings of betrayalrdquoAnuradha Gupta founder and CEO Vows for Eternity also adds ldquoTaking part in financial decisionmaking together is critical for two partners to ensure a longterm committed relationship It greatly influences what is to follow throughout liferdquoThe need to discuss financeFinancial planning helps a couple to live a harmonious life free from financial stress Couples in a serious relationship heading in the direction of marriage must have a clear financial structure in placeldquoToday as both partners are increasingly financially independent the focus has shifted from a financial need to a conscious choice of being interdependentrdquo says GuptaThe magic of a partnership lies in the confidence that financial comfort brings allowing partners to lean on each other not out of necessity but with a genuine desire to support and strengthen each other This fosters a deep connection making the relationship or marriage riskaverse and abundant both financially and literallyFinancial planning also helps couples understand each otherrsquos money habits and what to expect from each other postmarriage It helps couples discuss what works and does not work for them and thus head towards developing a unified financial strategy Josephy adds ldquoCouples must strive to reach a middle ground Seeking therapy can be instrumental especially when conflicting views persistrdquoHealthy financial habitsIn present times where everything seems to be getting costlier by the day financial planning becomes crucial for couples aiming to live life a certain way For starters Poddar stresses having discussions about money and finance with your partner quite often or at least once a month Besides discussing she also mentions always keeping the partner in the loop when making any financial decisions This applies to even unmarried couples Informing your partner of planning to make a big purchase before actually going ahead with it goes a long way This not only helps build trust but also makes the partner feel valued and respectedBeing aligned on key financial matters is integral to the wellbeing of a relationship Gupta opines ldquoLove is never enough to sustain a marriage I wish air water and love made the world go round but they dont Practicalities always kick in and lead relationships to a breaking point if the couple isnt aligned on financial planning and spending habitsrdquoFor couples wanting to practice shared financial management the boundaries in their relationship should be welldefined and yet must maintain fluidity so the couple has enough room to navigate through anything life throws their wayAlways have clarity regarding what you want as a couple Be it in terms of your envisioned life a home where you want to live your children their education etc All of this depends on a couplersquos financesPlan how much to save and how to spread it over the different asset classes depending on the liquidity you need Get into the habit of regular financial checkins and dont shy away from making room for individual goalsMake allowances for each partners aspirations leisure time and career breaks allowing flexibility in the financial plan and your shared futureAn ideal financial plan for couplesThere is no one specific way to go about planning your finances Couples must stick to what works best for them While some couples may choose to keep their finances separate some might prefer clubbing the incomes and sharing expenses while some might choose to strike a balance between the both However for those lost in this maze Gupta and Joseph lay down a simple blueprintJoseph says ldquoDistinguishing between common and individual expenses is vital Joint responsibilities like rent payments should be shared while personal expenditures such as phone EMIs should come from personal budgetsrdquoGupta adds ldquoKeep your budget realistic and flexible considering all your income sources and categorising the expenses The idea is for each to take accountability and accordingly allocate funds for savings emergencies and personal discretionary spending It is a straightforward act to avoid conflict Reviewing and adjusting this budget regularly will ensure that each of you feels heard and seen in making financial decisionsrdquoImplementing strategies like joint accounts or dividing responsibilities for specific categories helps in efficient financial management Leveraging online tools and platforms can also streamline the processGupta suggests ldquoA certain percentage of the money each partner makes ideally a onethird should go into a joint account while the other third goes into covering compartments that one is financially responsible for and the remaining goes into an individual accountrdquoCouples can also maintain individual autonomy while collaborating on shared responsibilities toeing the line between independence and mutual support It allows you to pursue your goals and make career choices without being held back or compromising your aspirationsFlexibility in financial planning is crucial Josephy suggests against setting hard and fast rules Instead mutual agreement and joint discussions should guide financial decisions Imposing strict structures can lead to conflicts whereas openness to concerns and adaptation promote a more harmonious financial partnershipEven in instances of overspending or deviation from agreed categories clear communication and boundaries are essentialParentrsquos involvement in couplersquos financial planningWhen speaking about future planning for couples we hardly think of parentrsquos involvement However this aspect cannot be dismissed as irrelevant given that most individuals in committed relationships especially in India might not have complete financial independencePoddar sheds light on men and women who contribute towards running their own family business and thus donrsquot necessarily earn a monthly income The financial decisions in such individualrsquos lives are largely driven by their parentrsquos actions This can especially be a matter of concern for women marrying men belonging to families where the financial decision rests in the hands of elders In such cases Poddar suggests having a clear communication of what finance would be like postmarriage ldquoIn my premarital counselling sessions this is a major topic of discussion especially with people who are entering patriarchal setups where the finances are in control of the inlaws Family businesses in India even today operate in a way where women are kept out of financial mattersrdquo says PoddarIn such cases she suggests it is always better to ask relevant questions like what kind of autonomy will one have over their own earned money who will be the decision maker when it comes to the expenses of a couple what kind of financial freedom will a couple have after marriage and more The best solution to avoid the ills of patriarchal control according to Poddar is having financial autonomy especially for womenRed flags concerning financial transparencyTwo people have to be on the same page on their vision of a future However financial planning for most couples can be a tumultuous journey Experts list below some of the red flags that couples must look out forA big red flag is when the spending habits are vastly different If one is very frugal and the other has a taste for the finer things in life it can complicate thingsSimilarly if two people are both spendthrifts then effective planning and execution of a budget could be challenging as each may need help to adhere to a cohesive planFurther sometimes if socioeconomic backgrounds are vastly different they influence partnersrsquo spending habits and make it harder to bridge the gapsAnother major red flag is one of the partners does not have financial independence and their finances are largely controlled by the familyA partner not being open about their finances debts loans salary etc and being unavailable to have conversations about finance is also a red flagThe significance of financial management within a couples relationship cannot be overstated Its a delicate balance that requires open communication compromise and mutual respect By embracing transparency reaching compromises and nurturing flexibility couples can cultivate a healthier financial landscape laying the groundwork for a more fulfilling and enduring partnership